Thursday, February 14, 2013

This wedding may be the death of me

UPDATE: This post has been heavily edited to appease Charming. 

We decided months ago, and officially-officially a couple weeks ago, to make 18 the minimum age for guests at our wedding.

We deliberated over this decision for a long time. We love the kids in our family, and in a perfect world, we’d love to have everyone there, but having kids at a wedding completely changes the entire event – kids need to be entertained, they need to be provided with special meals, they’re more to worry about.

The wedding is being held at a country club on Memorial Day weekend – there will be hundreds of (very old) club members there who are not attending our event. I can’t take the risk of a bunch of kids running around, misbehaving, knocking someone or something (like our lit lanterns) over, getting in trouble. Even if it’s not my responsibility as the bride to watch after everyone’s children, I would still ultimately be responsible if something went wrong. That’s a lot of additional stress that I just don’t need. Not on the one day I’m supposed to relax and enjoy. So after much consideration and heartache, we set the age limit at 18.

Apparently not everyone in Charming's family was willing to respect that decision.

I am spending thousands of dollars of my own money, and an inordinate amount of time, energy, and thought planning this event, and I have to balance my needs and wishes with those of my 136 invited guests. No matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to make everyone happy, but no one has the right to go behind my back and make me feel like a horrible person when I’m working so hard to please so many people.

I didn’t even want to have a wedding. I’d have been perfectly happy to go to the courthouse and sign a couple pieces of paper. But we decided to do this for our friends and family, because it does mean a lot to us that everyone wants to share in our joy. I just hope going forward they can all understand that ultimately this is about me and Charming, and I am doing my best, and I deserve a little goddamned respect and common courtesy for it.  

As a side note, I did propose what I hope is a workable solution to the problem. Something I’d have been happy to do ages ago if anyone had seen fit to treat me with a little respect in the first place. And Charming has been amazingly supportive and on my side the whole time, and he sent me gorgeous flowers for Valentine’s Day. So there’s that. 

1 comment:

  1. What was the compromise?

    Ours was a no kids wedding except for very specific exceptions of certain neices/nephews in the wedding. Everyone could pretty much suck it. It was my wedding, my money, my planning . . . tough titties if they didn't like it. Don't come then, was my attitude. Feel free to borrow it. ;)