But regardless, we bought these classes, and yesterday we attended our second practice. I always thought yoga was for teeny tiny, super-lithe people who are already athletic and flexible to begin with. I love when I’m right.
During our first class, I tried to get into child’s pose.
By the end of the class, my feet and my ass actually became acquainted (intentionally) and my spine was as loose and malleable as a Democrat’s.
So on the off chance that this post somehow inspires you to take up yoga (“hey, I probably can’t suck as much as she does”), here’s a list of things I’ve learned from my experience thus far:
1. Don’t wear a loose top with a regular bra, or you will spend the entire 75 minutes making J. Lo’s Oscar dress look conservative.
2. Yes, that smell is coming from you. Now really streeeeeetch and get your head down there…
3. Rocking back from standing to sitting is much more difficult when you’re 5’7 compared to 5’0. Those extra few inches do not make for a soft landing.
4. I am not an elevator or a cactus or a pigeon or a warrior or a goddess – I’m just an awkward human being trying not to fart in the middle of class.
5. There are muscles somewhere between my shoulders and my chest that have never been used before. Awakening the sleeping giant is a bad, bad idea.
6. Resting your belly on your thighs is way easier when you have a few extra pounds of fluff. Score one for the pudge!
7. Don’t try to cheat and move your hands further under you when the instructor is mercilessly pulling on your hips. Wait until her back is turned.
8. I don’t like chanting “oooohhhhmmmm” – it makes me feel silly.
9. Watching the 250+ lb girl do a yoga toe grab when I can barely sit up straight with my legs out is insanely depressing.
10. My knees don’t go that direction. Or that one. Or… oh crap.
Have you guys ever gotten off to a rough start with a new sport or hobby?