A letter to Republicans in the wake of the election

Dear Republicans,

We’re now over halfway through day 1 of Obama’s first day of his second term as President. I know it’s a bit early yet, but Muslim terrorists haven’t hijacked the White House (and we stopped the Christian ones from doing it last night!), the world has not gone up in a fiery inferno, and your paycheck has not suddenly shrunk by half (unless you were doing some online shopping last night, like me).

I know this is hard to stomach, but Americans really don’t want to be led by a man who straps dogs to the roof of his car and who thinks you appeal to Hispanic voters by spray-tanning. Sadism and racism are two things you generally want to avoid when electing the leader of the free world. Write that down for future reference.

But I hope you as voters learned something from last night's election results. Americans don't believe that equal opportunity is "socialism," we don't believe that using positions of power to enforce your religious beliefs on others is "religious freedom," we don't believe that rape is a gift from God, we don't believe that LGBT individuals are second class citizens, and we don't believe you deserve to be president when you don't pay taxes for 15 years, then pay less in taxes than someone making $40k a year, and dare to call the rest of us freeloaders.

Victim-blaming is not moral superiority and it’s not an effective party platform.

And you would be well-served to remember that when nominating candidates at the local and federal level if you have any hopes of being heard within the political system in the next 50 years or so.

That divisive 'them vs. us' shit? It’s not working anymore. Those blacks, those sluts, those Mexicans, those homosexuals, those welfare recipients whom you hate so much? They’re also Americans. And they vote.

The right-wing fringe elements are always going to vote Republican (or pray that God smites all liberals, or whatever it is they do all day) – you don’t have to pander to them and their money. What you as Republicans do have to do is send a message to your party that you no longer want to be the Grand Ol’ Patriarchy. Or the Grotesquely Oppressive Party. You can run on a small government platform without having to be small enough to fit into the uterus of every woman in the country.

I honestly do hope the Republican Party reboots and I hope they get the religious extremists out of positions of power so that going forward, we can have actual political discussions and solve some problems that weren't resolved 40 years ago. And maybe we can even do it without trying to use religious beliefs to curtail my human rights.

Love,

A much more relaxed Heather