Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Mitt Romney plans to abort Planned Parenthood

While doing an interview in Missouri yesterday, Mr. Well-at-least-he’s-not-Santorum decided to prove that yes, in fact, he, too, hates women. Because that’s what all the cool kids Republicans are doing these days.

Mittens said “Planned Parenthood? We’re gonna get rid of that.” Just don’t go to Virginia to do it, Mitt, or they’ll shove a transvaginal wand up your… oh wait, you don’t have ladyparts.

One of the Mittens’ campaign advisors did some quick back-pedaling (they’re really good at that over there, ifyouknowwhatImean) and said what Mittens really meant, since OBVIOUSLY he knew that you can’t just dissolve a private non-profit organization (business supporter, what?), was that he’d defund it federally.

Because that makes a lot more sense, since exactly 0.01% of PP’s budget comes from federal funding. And none of that money goes to fund abortions, because of the Hyde Amendment, which prohibits federal funds from being used for abortions.

Ok, so I guess what Mittens really, actually meant was that he’d stop providing preventive care like cancer screenings to low income men and women.

Was this supposed to be damage control?

Silly Mittens, Planned Parenthood isn’t some cancer-stricken wife you can abandon like Newt Gingrich the second it no longer suits your interests. 

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